Graduating With Honor

It only just dawned on me that four years ago today, I graduated with my Masters degree in Library & Information Sciences from the University of South Florida.

My graduation photo hangs
on the wall of my library design studio.

Earning that degree was one of the hardest things I've ever done...that is, until I created Stand-Up Librarian.  When you are in school, there is a plan.  Assignments with study guides.  Support from professors and classmates.  Advice from career counselors.  There are also days off and spring break.  Finally, if you study hard and get good grades, you get to put on that cap and gown, walk across a stage, shake a hand and take a photo while hearing your name on the loudspeakers.  Your parents cheer and you go to a nice dinner to celebrate.  Then if you are one of a chosen few, you might even have a library job to go to the following week.   

Graduation day, 2010. Will I get a job?

But when that job doesn't come and you are sitting alone in your room wondering why you studied so hard, you are left with none of that.  Instead your mind is filled with stories of not being good enough, smart enough, nice enough.  That your job application got lost or your email never really went through.  Or maybe someone is talking shit about you from that restaurant job you got fired from ten years ago.  Yeah, and then as if things can't get worse, the one man you ever loved tells you he met someone else.  

You sit there at your computer staring at a blank screen wanting someone to reach out to you, tell you what to do, that things will get better.  Your stomach screams for food but you can't move.  Instead you laugh.  You write.  You create StandUpLibrarian.com because the person you need, is YOU.

It has taken me four long years and a lot of job applications to finally realize that earning my LIS degree was not necessarily about working at the library but more about using that knowledge combined with my own abilities, experiences and passions to create the job I am most suited for.  After all, it is only when you are authentically yourself that you are best able to serve your community and the people who reside in it.

So the next time you feel lost, alone, defeated, come find me.  If anything, I'll at least write you back :) 

Librarian, May 8, 2010.

Stand-Up Librarian, May 8, 2014.

Happy One Year Anniversary StandUpLibrarian.com!

So today is the one year anniversary of me creating this blog.  Wow, has it been a year already?  Jeez, who knew?  I DID.  It was a very looooong year, people.  So to celebrate, I decided to hire myself. Yep, that's right, I have a job.  Meredith is working for Meredith.  Sure, I will certainly still explore other offers when the boss isn't looking but please don't tell her.  I really need this job.  Anyway, here's the first video with Meredith and Meredith discussing the new Head Librarian position with StandUpLibrarian.com.  ***A big shout out to my followers who continue to support me after this year of confusion and frustration...

-MM

Although inspired in part by true incidents, the following video is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event, even though the actresses look a lot like Meredith Myers and say they are numerous times.  In reality, Meredith Myers is the ultimate professional and takes her job as a librarian very seriously, so any future employers should not let this video affect their decision to hire her.  The only thing she is guilty of is having a sense of humor during tough economic times.  And y

es, parts of this disclaimer was pulled from the “Law & Order” TV show.

Here I Go Again

I’ve hesitated for years to do a blog because I just don’t have the...dicsilpline...disipline...discipline! See? I can’t even spell the word!!!! Anyway, my point is that I am now going a month without writing on this and I feel terrible because I know all four of you out there must be freaking out because the last time I wrote I was sleeping on couches and exhausting myself with two jobs, praying that a stupid keychain I bought ten years ago was going to be some motivator to make my dreams come true. Maybe you were wondering – what happened to that girl that was supposed to be funny on this blog and has instead turned out to be a real downer? Did she have to sell her laptop in order to buy more celery sticks? Or, maybe she ran out of couches to sleep on and ended up homeless on the street, her dirty, calloused hands still gripping that Tiffany keychain tightly as one last reminder of her dream of librarianship?

Well, you can breathe deeply again, the good news is that I am sleeping in my own bed in my new apartment that I have been living in for the past several weeks. The not-so-good news is that I am still exhausting myself with no days off from my two jobs, plus I now have to spend up to a half-hour every night just trying to find a parking space in my new neighborhood which is filled with taco trucks and broken down cars that mostly take up the street parking. Don’t get me started on the guy that drives the ice cream truck around and around the block every night at 8:30pm blaring that annoying music to irritate all of us without kids or a need for sugar before bedtime. Seriously, if there is a better birth control than this truck, I don’t know what it is.

Yes, I am still in search of a library job and have applied to several but of which I have been turned down by all. My first rejection came from the University of Southern California, which is BS because I am good friends with two people who went there – one of which who can’t keep a job and the other works in porn…OK, maybe I don’t want to work there, after all. But seriously, I applied for a Reference and Instructional Librarian position that would “develop and provide information resources and expertise with an emphasis on communication, journalism, and other disciplines in the social sciences and humanities as assigned.” I have ten years working in PR, how could I not at least get called in for an interview for this one? PR stands for Public Relations – communicating with the pubic through the use of journalists – not even your new Reference and Instructional Librarian needs to look that up - jeez.

Well, at least they sent an email saying they didn’t want me, something the Art Institute of California – Hollywood couldn’t even manage to do. Here’s a library job that wanted a librarian with fashion experience. Hilarious! Try finding another librarian that was the Director of PR for Vivienne Tam and has attended numerous high-profile runway shows in NYC (and sat front row, mind you, right next to Anna Wintour! OK, a few seats over, but still.) Plus, I am currently working for Lloyd Klein Couture, the only Parisian couture designer in Los Angeles!!! How could they not want me???? But nope, not even an email thanking for me for my submission. I am literally receiving emails from students from this very school wanting to come intern with us and yet my librarian application didn’t impress anyone over there in the HR dept. Who the hell is looking over these applications? Some girl from “The Hills” putting her name on yet another dress made out of jersey material?

Oh and over a month ago, I spent two hours applying for a children’s librarian job at the Burbank Public Library – what a process! I was sitting on my friend’s balcony, mooching off her neighbor’s wireless, all the while praying that each time I submitted information into the online application (that apparently couldn’t be saved) that the Internet wouldn’t suddenly go out with me losing everything. The big surprise at the end of the application was the five questions that I wasn’t the least bit prepared to answer. Questions like:

1. Describe the materials and other components (songs, fingerplays, etc.) you would use for a storytime about colors for toddlers age two and under.
2. List three books you would booktalk to the 4th/5th Grade Book Club. Choose one and write a short (approximately 100 words) original booktalk.
3. Describe any experience you have had working with children under age five and how it helped prepare you for this job.
4. Describe any experience you have had managing unruly preteens. What would you do if a group of five 13-year-olds was talking and laughing loudly, throwing paper at each other and disturbing other patrons in the library?

I tried so very hard not to write jokes about my ex-boyfriend for question #3 but I was so exhausted and at the end of my rope that I almost jumped from that balcony just so I would never have to fill out another job application ever again…but I didn’t. I answered them in nice, complete sentences like a true professional that really wants a job.

But I guess I didn’t get this one either, so if I was going to answer #3 the way that I wanted to…

“I’ve actually got years of experience in working with children under age five as I recently dated one! As I look back, I am so glad that I can now utilize that experience for this job as a children’s librarian. For example, in dating HIM:

• I always had to dress him before we left the house – therefore, have experience with helping children put on shoes and coats after storytime;
• I always had to remind him to lock the car doors every time we got out (even when the car was filled with computers and luggage while on a trip) – therefore, have experience with patience as a result of having to constantly repeat the same words over and over again even though the children aren’t listening;
• And speaking of trips, I always planned every trip, outing, dinner, date, we ever went on – therefore, have experience coordinating storytime activities with special holiday-themed events. Can even bake cookies and do fun birthday scavenger hunt with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts which you didn’t seem to appreciate even though it took a week to plan you motherf….(sorry I got off track there for a sec – hee hee);
• I always had to pick out my own birthday and Xmas gifts since according to him, he was ‘not good at giving gifts’ (he also bought my Valentine’s Day flowers at a gas station so I guess he was also cheap) – so very experienced with purchasing storytime craft supplies within a tight library budget;
• And lastly, in dating HIM, when playtime was over, I always had to clap hands and act like he did good – therefore, EXTREMELY EXPERIENCED in make believe!”

Wow, that felt good – and apparently I have more experience than I thought in working with kids! OK, I joke, I joke. Seriously, I haven’t thought about HIM in weeks. I don’t even say his name since I just don’t care anymore – it is not worth my time – which is rarely free these days. When you are busy and moving forward in your life, it doesn’t really matter what you aren’t getting or whom you aren’t being with. I decided the moment I moved into my new place to start exercising my full attention into the people and projects that are in my life NOW, and stop putting so much energy into things that were out of my control.

Sure, I was bummed that I didn’t get some of these jobs but I got over it because I had other people who did see my talent and wanted to pay me for it. That is not to say that I don’t want certain things for my future – a librarian job would be great but so would my own talk show or a regular gig on Conan’s new show (putting it out into the universe, people, it couldn’t hurt). The point is, I don’t know where I am going but I sure know where I have been - wait, I think that is a Whitesnake song - boy, am I cheesy at 1am! Anyway, things are good and I pray that things keep getting better - OK now that’s a Christina Aguilera song...wow, I am going downhill fast. Apparently I need sleep – goodnight people. And yes, “to walk along the lonely street of dreams, and here I go again on my own…”

Believe

So I have been away from this thing for almost two weeks. I’m not one for excuses so I’ll just fill you in on what you’ve missed. Me on a plane back to Los Angeles. No place to live. No full-time job to work. No car to drive. No money to spend. Me sleeping on couches with nothing but hopes and dreams and probably a ton of delusion that this time will be different from when I left eight months ago to finish this Masters degree to be a librarian. My parents wanted to me to stay in Florida while I looked for work – they thought a supportive environment would be helpful - I knew better than to fall for that. It’s when you put it all on the line that you prevail.

I won’t bore you with the heartache that is in LA as well – my ex has moved on to dating someone ten years younger than me, yet my stuff still consumes the house we lived in together that he probably brings her to. How LA, right? So, instead of just moving forward, I have to constantly deal with the past, which is the toughest part in all of this – the emotional garbage that fills the trash can that was that life. Well, that and the lack of library jobs available right now. After working for free in libraries for the last year as an intern and a volunteer hoping to impress someone enough to get them to then hire me, I find I was naïve in thinking they had the power.

The library field is not PR – I can’t talk my way into this one, ignoring all no’s until people just do what I want them to do out of pure exhaustion. The library field is not acting – I can’t just turn in a headshot and hope I have the right look for the part. The library field is not stand-up comedy – I can’t just win over the audience by a killer impression or a witty punch line. The library application process is ‘legal’ and ‘by the book’ – which frustrates me and makes me feel hopeless since my personality is usually what sells, not my resume (regardless of how good I think it looks.) Plus, the process is long. You sometimes have two months to submit applications and then another two months for the committee to interview the candidates.

Who has time for this? I do – because I am making ME a priority again.

Everything has changed. I have changed. I am certainly smarter – the Masters degree is an example of that – but I am stronger in ways I never knew I could be. I want to work harder than I ever have in my life – and I have worked pretty hard over the years. I want to do whatever I can to make my dreams come true, not depending on anyone for anything. I am no longer someone who thinks I am entitled to anything – not a couch, not a job, not a friend. And that has made all of the difference. I no longer have high expectations for others, just for myself. Plus I smile more now. I am amazed just how much I smile – even when there is nothing but obstacles in my way or insensitive jerks that won’t let me sleep on my own couch. Maybe it is because I am happier or maybe it is just because there is no place to go but up. So this time, I know I will succeed.

And I already have.

In one week, I have worked every single day, while securing two additional jobs and applying for twenty more, should those fall through. I have had friends open the doors to their small apartments to allow me to sleep on their couches while at the same time lending an ear when I have a moment of doubt. And just so we are clear, a moment of self-pity is all I allow. I don’t have the time for anything more.

I am very sorry that nothing about this post is about the field of librarianship or making you laugh but since my mission with this blog is to offer you insight into the journey that is my life, I had to share it with you.

One last thing…

I started my first PR job in NYC ten years ago on July 10, 2000 – a decision that changed the direction of my life forever – but that is a whole other blog. I celebrated by buying a hundred dollar keychain at Tiffany, where I had the date and the word ‘Believe’ engraved on it. I wanted a reminder that my dream of moving to NYC was an example that anything is possible, even when the odds seem like they are against you. What people don’t realize is that I have always been a librarian, with or without the degree. For years, I have utilized the free information that surrounds all of us – using it to survive, reassess my dreams, and reinvent myself, all while trying to remaining hopeful in a world that sometimes seems lost. I’ve carried that ‘Believe’ keychain for ten years but have forgotten to look at it. Till now…