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| Proudly walking in my town's Fourth of July parade in my Fireworks ensemble. |
“Maybe you reason why all the
doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th
of July…”
- "Firework" by Katy Perry
Not to quote an overplayed song by Katy Perry from
2010 but I just made an entire outfit out of fireworks fabric and it seemed an
ideal time to play it. It’s weird
how you can hear a song hundreds of times but never actually listen to what the
lyrics are. Today, the words
mentioned above caught my ear and seem to sum up the journey I have been on.
As I mentioned and wrote about last year (to read
that blog post, click here), July 4th is the anniversary of my
eliminating alcohol from my life.
It is crazy to think that it has been two whole years without a
margarita or glass of Pinot Noir but in truth, it has been one of the easiest
things in the world for me. It
really is true that “when it’s time, you’ll know” because I really don’t think
about it at all except when I look for change in my wallet and find the
two-month recovery chip that I got from attending an AA meeting in 2004. I don’t really know why I hold on to the
chip because in actuality it represents failure.
Now as I look at the big 2 stamped on the gold coin,
I am reminded that two-months used to be all I could ever commit to before
getting extremely bored. Jobs,
relationships, gym memberships, diets, you name it - so perhaps my problem was
never with alcohol, it was in being bored with everything else!
On July 4, 2007 that all I changed when I met a
person that I wanted to commit the rest of my life to, which resulted in me stupidly putting his dreams before my own. Sadly, he ended up only wanting to
devote a year and a half of his life to me. One of the last things he gave me was a sterling silver
heart pendant with our initials on one side and that July 4th date
on the other. While I wore the broken heart he gave me for years, I never once wore the pendant.
Two years ago, I intentionally chose July 4th
as the date to quit drinking so I could prove to myself that I was worth
committing to even if nobody else was willing to. As I look back at that failed relationship and all of the
other things in my life that didn’t work out, I now know the important lesson
that when you commit to the health and well being of yourself first, all of the
other things will soon follow.
In addition to having an incredible year of over
seventeen performances as the Stand-Up Librarian, my literary purses and headbands are still selling well, and I have a part-time job that offers me
health benefits…for the first time in five years!!! Did I mention that I am also a volunteer librarian at one of the
most eccentric libraries on the planet?
Almost forgot to mention that I am finally a member of a gym…and actually
go!
Oh, life is pretty good when you “ignite the light”
and while Prince Charming has yet to ride up in his bookmobile, the designer in
me thinks that tarnished heart pendant could easily be made into something far
more fabulous!
Happy Fourth of July everyone! Celebrate YOUR fireworks....
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| Due to the winds today, that pinwheel on my hat is really spinning! |
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| My 2-month AA sobriety coin & heart pendant both represent past failures that I have since overcome. |
