I’ve hesitated for years to do a blog because I just don’t have the...dicsilpline...disipline...discipline! See? I can’t even spell the word!!!! Anyway, my point is that I am now going a month without writing on this and I feel terrible because I know all four of you out there must be freaking out because the last time I wrote I was sleeping on couches and exhausting myself with two jobs, praying that a stupid keychain I bought ten years ago was going to be some motivator to make my dreams come true. Maybe you were wondering – what happened to that girl that was supposed to be funny on this blog and has instead turned out to be a real downer? Did she have to sell her laptop in order to buy more celery sticks? Or, maybe she ran out of couches to sleep on and ended up homeless on the street, her dirty, calloused hands still gripping that Tiffany keychain tightly as one last reminder of her dream of librarianship?
Well, you can breathe deeply again, the good news is that I am sleeping in my own bed in my new apartment that I have been living in for the past several weeks. The not-so-good news is that I am still exhausting myself with no days off from my two jobs, plus I now have to spend up to a half-hour every night just trying to find a parking space in my new neighborhood which is filled with taco trucks and broken down cars that mostly take up the street parking. Don’t get me started on the guy that drives the ice cream truck around and around the block every night at 8:30pm blaring that annoying music to irritate all of us without kids or a need for sugar before bedtime. Seriously, if there is a better birth control than this truck, I don’t know what it is.
Yes, I am still in search of a library job and have applied to several but of which I have been turned down by all. My first rejection came from the University of Southern California, which is BS because I am good friends with two people who went there – one of which who can’t keep a job and the other works in porn…OK, maybe I don’t want to work there, after all. But seriously, I applied for a Reference and Instructional Librarian position that would “develop and provide information resources and expertise with an emphasis on communication, journalism, and other disciplines in the social sciences and humanities as assigned.” I have ten years working in PR, how could I not at least get called in for an interview for this one? PR stands for Public Relations – communicating with the pubic through the use of journalists – not even your new Reference and Instructional Librarian needs to look that up - jeez.
Well, at least they sent an email saying they didn’t want me, something the Art Institute of California – Hollywood couldn’t even manage to do. Here’s a library job that wanted a librarian with fashion experience. Hilarious! Try finding another librarian that was the Director of PR for Vivienne Tam and has attended numerous high-profile runway shows in NYC (and sat front row, mind you, right next to Anna Wintour! OK, a few seats over, but still.) Plus, I am currently working for Lloyd Klein Couture, the only Parisian couture designer in Los Angeles!!! How could they not want me???? But nope, not even an email thanking for me for my submission. I am literally receiving emails from students from this very school wanting to come intern with us and yet my librarian application didn’t impress anyone over there in the HR dept. Who the hell is looking over these applications? Some girl from “The Hills” putting her name on yet another dress made out of jersey material?
Oh and over a month ago, I spent two hours applying for a children’s librarian job at the Burbank Public Library – what a process! I was sitting on my friend’s balcony, mooching off her neighbor’s wireless, all the while praying that each time I submitted information into the online application (that apparently couldn’t be saved) that the Internet wouldn’t suddenly go out with me losing everything. The big surprise at the end of the application was the five questions that I wasn’t the least bit prepared to answer. Questions like:
1. Describe the materials and other components (songs, fingerplays, etc.) you would use for a storytime about colors for toddlers age two and under.
2. List three books you would booktalk to the 4th/5th Grade Book Club. Choose one and write a short (approximately 100 words) original booktalk.
3. Describe any experience you have had working with children under age five and how it helped prepare you for this job.
4. Describe any experience you have had managing unruly preteens. What would you do if a group of five 13-year-olds was talking and laughing loudly, throwing paper at each other and disturbing other patrons in the library?
I tried so very hard not to write jokes about my ex-boyfriend for question #3 but I was so exhausted and at the end of my rope that I almost jumped from that balcony just so I would never have to fill out another job application ever again…but I didn’t. I answered them in nice, complete sentences like a true professional that really wants a job.
But I guess I didn’t get this one either, so if I was going to answer #3 the way that I wanted to…
“I’ve actually got years of experience in working with children under age five as I recently dated one! As I look back, I am so glad that I can now utilize that experience for this job as a children’s librarian. For example, in dating HIM:
• I always had to dress him before we left the house – therefore, have experience with helping children put on shoes and coats after storytime;
• I always had to remind him to lock the car doors every time we got out (even when the car was filled with computers and luggage while on a trip) – therefore, have experience with patience as a result of having to constantly repeat the same words over and over again even though the children aren’t listening;
• And speaking of trips, I always planned every trip, outing, dinner, date, we ever went on – therefore, have experience coordinating storytime activities with special holiday-themed events. Can even bake cookies and do fun birthday scavenger hunt with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts which you didn’t seem to appreciate even though it took a week to plan you motherf….(sorry I got off track there for a sec – hee hee);
• I always had to pick out my own birthday and Xmas gifts since according to him, he was ‘not good at giving gifts’ (he also bought my Valentine’s Day flowers at a gas station so I guess he was also cheap) – so very experienced with purchasing storytime craft supplies within a tight library budget;
• And lastly, in dating HIM, when playtime was over, I always had to clap hands and act like he did good – therefore, EXTREMELY EXPERIENCED in make believe!”
Wow, that felt good – and apparently I have more experience than I thought in working with kids! OK, I joke, I joke. Seriously, I haven’t thought about HIM in weeks. I don’t even say his name since I just don’t care anymore – it is not worth my time – which is rarely free these days. When you are busy and moving forward in your life, it doesn’t really matter what you aren’t getting or whom you aren’t being with. I decided the moment I moved into my new place to start exercising my full attention into the people and projects that are in my life NOW, and stop putting so much energy into things that were out of my control.
Sure, I was bummed that I didn’t get some of these jobs but I got over it because I had other people who did see my talent and wanted to pay me for it. That is not to say that I don’t want certain things for my future – a librarian job would be great but so would my own talk show or a regular gig on Conan’s new show (putting it out into the universe, people, it couldn’t hurt). The point is, I don’t know where I am going but I sure know where I have been - wait, I think that is a Whitesnake song - boy, am I cheesy at 1am! Anyway, things are good and I pray that things keep getting better - OK now that’s a Christina Aguilera song...wow, I am going downhill fast. Apparently I need sleep – goodnight people. And yes, “to walk along the lonely street of dreams, and here I go again on my own…”
