Going Into Labor Day...

HAPPY LABOR DAY EVERYONE! 

Some see Labor Day as the end of summer and a reason to consume baked beans and countless Natural Light by the pool, while others sit glued to the TV watching U.S. Open coverage.  Many ladies simply view Labor Day as the last official day to fashionably wear white.  Do people still wear white?  Or follow this dumb rule?  Oh who cares, it is a holiday, so grab a warm Natty Lite and you won’t care if you spill your sister’s homemade baked beans all over your white linen slacks while watching Serena slam a tennis ball at some Czech Republic chick who will soon appear half-naked in Maxim.  Isn’t that what Labor Day is all about?

Not exactly. 

According to the United States Department of Labor, Labor Day “is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.”  Wow, for a holiday that celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers, it seems a bit ridiculous that I am spending the holiday alone in my crappy apartment eating a bag of stale Fritos since six out of my nine jobs don’t pay me!  And since I am writing this blog post, I am still working!  Happy Labor Day to me.

Nine jobs you say?  Yes.  Which means I don’t ever have a day off.  Or a life.  Or a reason to celebrate.  This American Dream is a bunch of BS.  I kid, I kid.  I just know this hard work without income is so going to pay off one day and I am going to be in a huge mansion living it up for a few months before I die from a broken hip at 90 thinking I have the flexibility of my 24 year-old boy toy that I probably paid for.  Now enough of “making it” (success, not whoopee you perverts - get your mind out of the gutter), and let’s focus on right now and how any of this has relevance to Labor Day.

Those six jobs that don’t pay me?  All consist of the work I am most proud of.  Because if I am doing it for free, I must really, really, and I mean REALLY enjoy it!  This blog for example.  Jeez, if nobody is reading it, they sure as heck aren’t paying me to do it (but you want to send money, I will take it.)  The book I have been writing for over a year, is another job that I do daily that doesn’t pay me either.  Do I like it any less?  Of course not (but I do hope a big publisher buys it, call me!)  The same goes with performing comedy in LA (although in NYC I usually got two free drinks but they were pretty watered down so I don’t think that counts.)  Anyway, the point is, these are all jobs that I treat with the same respect as any job that pays me a salary…which means at least once a week I quit and then come crawling back.  I do however draw the line at stealing my own office supplies – that is just dumb.

My volunteer work doesn’t pay me either.  I wrote a joke recently that one of the perks of being a volunteer is that it is finally a job that I can’t get fired from.  In volunteering for the West Hollywood Library Fund, the West Hollywood Public Library and now the West Hollywood Book Festival, I have learned that my enjoyment for jobs have little to do with the money and more to do with the environment I am in and the people that I work with.  Some of the nicest people I have met in the five years of living in Los Angeles have been in these volunteer jobs!  Plus, let’s be honest, as a volunteer, I can say no to certain things and not feel bad about it.  For example, “No, I will not tell that crazy-eyed homeless man that he cannot steal that little pencil.”  After all, there are situations that require people with more authority…and health insurance, should a person get stabbed with that pencil.

Labor is labor – whether you are being paid or not.  Celebrate it.  Life is about experiences and the people you meet through those experiences.  If you don’t put yourself out there, you will never get the return on the investment – which most of the time, isn’t about the money at all. I have found in trying to just do the activities that I love – writing, performing, sharing information - I am much happier and less concerned about when or where the money will come.  It just does.  Sure, I’m still very glad to have the three part-time jobs that I don’t always enjoy just so I can pay the bills, but I put my energy towards the other things that are actually important...like applying for library jobs!  Yes, I spend countless hours doing that too.  I’m not sure if my “contributions” are adding to the “strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country,” but I hope one day they will.  Now doesn’t that earn me some baked beans? 

The Stand-Up Librarian is Born

In Part 4 of "Meredith Hires Herself," Meredith and Meredith discuss their partnership and the mission of StandUpLibrarian.com. Meredith performs her library comedy material for the first time.

***Although inspired in part by true incidents, the following video is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event, even though the actresses look a lot like Meredith Myers and say they are numerous times. The Meredith Myers on stage, however, is the real Meredith Myers. In reality, Meredith Myers is the ultimate professional and takes her job as a librarian very seriously, so any future employers should not let this video effect their decision to hire her. The only thing she is guilty of is having a sense of humor during tough economic times. And yes, parts of this disclaimer was pulled from the "Law & Order" TV show.

For the entire month of June, in celebration of StandUpLibrarian.com being one year old, I have been posting fictional videos of me “hiring myself,” which feature two different Merediths (the librarian and the comedian), being interviewed about their positions with StandUpLibrarian.com.  The video series was always intended to be a spoof of reality TV shows that have over-the-top personalities talking straight to the camera about the people they either work for or are friends with, for the sole purpose of sharing “private” information.  Everyone should know by now that this information is then edited to be even more controversial by the producers of the show, in the hopes of creating some kind of storyline so the viewers continue to tune in. 

It was an idea I had a while ago to incorporate my love of acting and my need to find humor in an economic situation that has prevented me from finding work in a field I have absolute passion for, in a position where I have the necessary qualifications.  Of course, the videos were always going to be risky, since comedy is often subjective, and me playing myself could become confusing to people, especially to those who don’t really know me or perhaps want to hire me.  Is she bipolar?  A drunk?  Or worse. Not funny?  As an artist, I can’t always explain everything all the time, nor do I want to.  For example, in this fourth episode, I purposely edit the comedian character to seem cynical about the library field because most comedians do mock things.  How do you think jokes are born?  However, towards the end of the video, I replay that same clip in its entirety to show that not everything or everyone is what they seem.  After all, editors are the true talent of reality shows.

It has always been my mission with StandUpLibrarian.com to entertain, while educating people about libraries and their importance.  At the same time, I’ve also been trying to show the diversity of the librarians themselves.  Not all librarians wear glasses, nor are they conservative, or look like your grandmother.  Some of us curse, make bad jokes, and even enjoy a glass of wine once in awhile.  So what.  At the end of the day, we are all distinct individuals bringing varied and unique experiences and skills to the reference desk, with the commitment to share information and our love for libraries. 

Unfortunately for me, (and many others), I have been having a heck of a time getting to that paid reference desk due to our poor economy.  So do you think I am going to just sit around, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for it to turn around?  Hell no!  All of us have a responsibility to do what we can RIGHT NOW, or else there won’t be a job, or a library, tomorrow.  So, this blog is MY reference desk.  As is the comedy stage, my You Tube channel, or anywhere I else I choose to go and share information.  Just because I am not speaking to you from behind a reference desk in a library, does not make me any less qualified than those that are.  I say this because I feel like I had to.  Many times I wonder if those looking to hire me come on here and misunderstand my intentions, so let me make it perfectly clear…I may tell jokes but I do not view my six years studying to be a librarian in order to work with other librarians I absolutely admire, the punch line of my jokes.  Enough said.

Here I Go Again

I’ve hesitated for years to do a blog because I just don’t have the...dicsilpline...disipline...discipline! See? I can’t even spell the word!!!! Anyway, my point is that I am now going a month without writing on this and I feel terrible because I know all four of you out there must be freaking out because the last time I wrote I was sleeping on couches and exhausting myself with two jobs, praying that a stupid keychain I bought ten years ago was going to be some motivator to make my dreams come true. Maybe you were wondering – what happened to that girl that was supposed to be funny on this blog and has instead turned out to be a real downer? Did she have to sell her laptop in order to buy more celery sticks? Or, maybe she ran out of couches to sleep on and ended up homeless on the street, her dirty, calloused hands still gripping that Tiffany keychain tightly as one last reminder of her dream of librarianship?

Well, you can breathe deeply again, the good news is that I am sleeping in my own bed in my new apartment that I have been living in for the past several weeks. The not-so-good news is that I am still exhausting myself with no days off from my two jobs, plus I now have to spend up to a half-hour every night just trying to find a parking space in my new neighborhood which is filled with taco trucks and broken down cars that mostly take up the street parking. Don’t get me started on the guy that drives the ice cream truck around and around the block every night at 8:30pm blaring that annoying music to irritate all of us without kids or a need for sugar before bedtime. Seriously, if there is a better birth control than this truck, I don’t know what it is.

Yes, I am still in search of a library job and have applied to several but of which I have been turned down by all. My first rejection came from the University of Southern California, which is BS because I am good friends with two people who went there – one of which who can’t keep a job and the other works in porn…OK, maybe I don’t want to work there, after all. But seriously, I applied for a Reference and Instructional Librarian position that would “develop and provide information resources and expertise with an emphasis on communication, journalism, and other disciplines in the social sciences and humanities as assigned.” I have ten years working in PR, how could I not at least get called in for an interview for this one? PR stands for Public Relations – communicating with the pubic through the use of journalists – not even your new Reference and Instructional Librarian needs to look that up - jeez.

Well, at least they sent an email saying they didn’t want me, something the Art Institute of California – Hollywood couldn’t even manage to do. Here’s a library job that wanted a librarian with fashion experience. Hilarious! Try finding another librarian that was the Director of PR for Vivienne Tam and has attended numerous high-profile runway shows in NYC (and sat front row, mind you, right next to Anna Wintour! OK, a few seats over, but still.) Plus, I am currently working for Lloyd Klein Couture, the only Parisian couture designer in Los Angeles!!! How could they not want me???? But nope, not even an email thanking for me for my submission. I am literally receiving emails from students from this very school wanting to come intern with us and yet my librarian application didn’t impress anyone over there in the HR dept. Who the hell is looking over these applications? Some girl from “The Hills” putting her name on yet another dress made out of jersey material?

Oh and over a month ago, I spent two hours applying for a children’s librarian job at the Burbank Public Library – what a process! I was sitting on my friend’s balcony, mooching off her neighbor’s wireless, all the while praying that each time I submitted information into the online application (that apparently couldn’t be saved) that the Internet wouldn’t suddenly go out with me losing everything. The big surprise at the end of the application was the five questions that I wasn’t the least bit prepared to answer. Questions like:

1. Describe the materials and other components (songs, fingerplays, etc.) you would use for a storytime about colors for toddlers age two and under.
2. List three books you would booktalk to the 4th/5th Grade Book Club. Choose one and write a short (approximately 100 words) original booktalk.
3. Describe any experience you have had working with children under age five and how it helped prepare you for this job.
4. Describe any experience you have had managing unruly preteens. What would you do if a group of five 13-year-olds was talking and laughing loudly, throwing paper at each other and disturbing other patrons in the library?

I tried so very hard not to write jokes about my ex-boyfriend for question #3 but I was so exhausted and at the end of my rope that I almost jumped from that balcony just so I would never have to fill out another job application ever again…but I didn’t. I answered them in nice, complete sentences like a true professional that really wants a job.

But I guess I didn’t get this one either, so if I was going to answer #3 the way that I wanted to…

“I’ve actually got years of experience in working with children under age five as I recently dated one! As I look back, I am so glad that I can now utilize that experience for this job as a children’s librarian. For example, in dating HIM:

• I always had to dress him before we left the house – therefore, have experience with helping children put on shoes and coats after storytime;
• I always had to remind him to lock the car doors every time we got out (even when the car was filled with computers and luggage while on a trip) – therefore, have experience with patience as a result of having to constantly repeat the same words over and over again even though the children aren’t listening;
• And speaking of trips, I always planned every trip, outing, dinner, date, we ever went on – therefore, have experience coordinating storytime activities with special holiday-themed events. Can even bake cookies and do fun birthday scavenger hunt with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts which you didn’t seem to appreciate even though it took a week to plan you motherf….(sorry I got off track there for a sec – hee hee);
• I always had to pick out my own birthday and Xmas gifts since according to him, he was ‘not good at giving gifts’ (he also bought my Valentine’s Day flowers at a gas station so I guess he was also cheap) – so very experienced with purchasing storytime craft supplies within a tight library budget;
• And lastly, in dating HIM, when playtime was over, I always had to clap hands and act like he did good – therefore, EXTREMELY EXPERIENCED in make believe!”

Wow, that felt good – and apparently I have more experience than I thought in working with kids! OK, I joke, I joke. Seriously, I haven’t thought about HIM in weeks. I don’t even say his name since I just don’t care anymore – it is not worth my time – which is rarely free these days. When you are busy and moving forward in your life, it doesn’t really matter what you aren’t getting or whom you aren’t being with. I decided the moment I moved into my new place to start exercising my full attention into the people and projects that are in my life NOW, and stop putting so much energy into things that were out of my control.

Sure, I was bummed that I didn’t get some of these jobs but I got over it because I had other people who did see my talent and wanted to pay me for it. That is not to say that I don’t want certain things for my future – a librarian job would be great but so would my own talk show or a regular gig on Conan’s new show (putting it out into the universe, people, it couldn’t hurt). The point is, I don’t know where I am going but I sure know where I have been - wait, I think that is a Whitesnake song - boy, am I cheesy at 1am! Anyway, things are good and I pray that things keep getting better - OK now that’s a Christina Aguilera song...wow, I am going downhill fast. Apparently I need sleep – goodnight people. And yes, “to walk along the lonely street of dreams, and here I go again on my own…”