Believe

So I have been away from this thing for almost two weeks. I’m not one for excuses so I’ll just fill you in on what you’ve missed. Me on a plane back to Los Angeles. No place to live. No full-time job to work. No car to drive. No money to spend. Me sleeping on couches with nothing but hopes and dreams and probably a ton of delusion that this time will be different from when I left eight months ago to finish this Masters degree to be a librarian. My parents wanted to me to stay in Florida while I looked for work – they thought a supportive environment would be helpful - I knew better than to fall for that. It’s when you put it all on the line that you prevail.

I won’t bore you with the heartache that is in LA as well – my ex has moved on to dating someone ten years younger than me, yet my stuff still consumes the house we lived in together that he probably brings her to. How LA, right? So, instead of just moving forward, I have to constantly deal with the past, which is the toughest part in all of this – the emotional garbage that fills the trash can that was that life. Well, that and the lack of library jobs available right now. After working for free in libraries for the last year as an intern and a volunteer hoping to impress someone enough to get them to then hire me, I find I was naïve in thinking they had the power.

The library field is not PR – I can’t talk my way into this one, ignoring all no’s until people just do what I want them to do out of pure exhaustion. The library field is not acting – I can’t just turn in a headshot and hope I have the right look for the part. The library field is not stand-up comedy – I can’t just win over the audience by a killer impression or a witty punch line. The library application process is ‘legal’ and ‘by the book’ – which frustrates me and makes me feel hopeless since my personality is usually what sells, not my resume (regardless of how good I think it looks.) Plus, the process is long. You sometimes have two months to submit applications and then another two months for the committee to interview the candidates.

Who has time for this? I do – because I am making ME a priority again.

Everything has changed. I have changed. I am certainly smarter – the Masters degree is an example of that – but I am stronger in ways I never knew I could be. I want to work harder than I ever have in my life – and I have worked pretty hard over the years. I want to do whatever I can to make my dreams come true, not depending on anyone for anything. I am no longer someone who thinks I am entitled to anything – not a couch, not a job, not a friend. And that has made all of the difference. I no longer have high expectations for others, just for myself. Plus I smile more now. I am amazed just how much I smile – even when there is nothing but obstacles in my way or insensitive jerks that won’t let me sleep on my own couch. Maybe it is because I am happier or maybe it is just because there is no place to go but up. So this time, I know I will succeed.

And I already have.

In one week, I have worked every single day, while securing two additional jobs and applying for twenty more, should those fall through. I have had friends open the doors to their small apartments to allow me to sleep on their couches while at the same time lending an ear when I have a moment of doubt. And just so we are clear, a moment of self-pity is all I allow. I don’t have the time for anything more.

I am very sorry that nothing about this post is about the field of librarianship or making you laugh but since my mission with this blog is to offer you insight into the journey that is my life, I had to share it with you.

One last thing…

I started my first PR job in NYC ten years ago on July 10, 2000 – a decision that changed the direction of my life forever – but that is a whole other blog. I celebrated by buying a hundred dollar keychain at Tiffany, where I had the date and the word ‘Believe’ engraved on it. I wanted a reminder that my dream of moving to NYC was an example that anything is possible, even when the odds seem like they are against you. What people don’t realize is that I have always been a librarian, with or without the degree. For years, I have utilized the free information that surrounds all of us – using it to survive, reassess my dreams, and reinvent myself, all while trying to remaining hopeful in a world that sometimes seems lost. I’ve carried that ‘Believe’ keychain for ten years but have forgotten to look at it. Till now…

Meredith Goes to Capitol Hill to Fight For Our Libraries

While in Washington, D.C. attending the American Library Association (ALA) 2010 Annual Conference, I joined my fellow librarians on Capitol Hill for a rally in honor of Library Advocacy Day. I also interviewed Senator Jack Reed (D-RI) and learned what people can do to help save their libraries from budget cuts. Happy 4th of July America - God Bless Librarians!!!

How the ALA kicked my A$$ Into Shape

I’ve been home from the ALA national conference for two full days and I can’t bring myself to do a thing but catch up on season two of “True Blood” from NetFlix. The conference sucked the life out of me faster than Eric Northman on pretty fangbanger. I have no idea how to recover. Never have I ever been more overwhelmed by literature. Forget AA, I need ALA-A. My name is Meredith, and I am an American Library Association addict.

Before leaving Florida, I had developed a schedule outlining each and every meeting, workshop, and author signing that I had an interest in attending. There was little time for bathroom breaks or lunches, which was probably a big mistake but I was determined to make the best of it and secure myself a job. My email to the ALA career counselor had returned saying that she was already booked, so now I had to add ‘Stalk career counselor by hanging around job placement center for chance run-in’ on the schedule, which was really putting a time crunch on the “Dewey the Library Cat” author signing. I secretly hoped people were over that cat by now and could therefore knock out that signing in minutes. Oh the stress! Cute cat in library vs. me getting career advice that I so desperately need. What to do?

So I stupidly went for the cat book but was first in line and was then able to stalk the career counselor for the extra twenty minutes I had originally blocked out for cat lady. Career counselor was nice but didn’t say anything of real importance so probably a waste of time. That, or I talked too much again and can’t remember what she advised me to do. Dangitt! Make note - don’t need career counselor, need muzzle.

Since I was already in the ALA Job Placement Center, I decided to try and speak with the seven recruiters who looked bored off their asses in their booths. Wow, how unprofessional of me. Did I not learn anything from the counselor? I meant to say, who all looked leisurely and welcoming in their career stations. Another waste of time - nobody was hiring entry-level librarians! If that wasn’t bad enough, they seemed upset that we were the only people who seemed to be inquiring! Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because most of the upper management had jobs that could afford to send them to DC for the conference, which they instead used to go on Dan Brown’s “The Lost Symbol” tour thus skipping the conference entirely.

Not to worry, I did get plenty of “I would happy to take your resume and put it on file.” Can we stop saying this, people? There is no file. You know it. We know it. Besides, we are just killing more trees by all of this pretending. For once I wish someone would just say, “Go back to waiting tables, you’d have better luck.” Then I wouldn’t have to continue to carry my heavy work portfolio around in my trendy briefcase in the hopes that someone would be interested in looking over my bookmarks tied to Banned Book Week or my table display ideas for sexy seniors. Let’s just say I got more compliments on the hat I was wearing than I did on the head full of library knowledge that was wearing it. Don’t get me wrong. I am all about fashion, but how cool is my hat going to be when I am wearing it on the streets mumbling cataloguing codes or classifying my shopping cart full of free books. I need a job!

I don’t want to place all the blame of my exhaustion and insanity on the free books given away in the exhibit hall or the lack of leads from the placement center, as I’m sure there were certainly other reasons. Specifically, my diet of iced coffee and carrot sticks. After spending the week before in NYC, where I was eating everything in sight, I felt a real need to ignore the overpriced, unimpressive edibles available to us at the conference center and instead hit Whole Foods to fill my backpack with healthy alternatives that included celery, grape tomatoes, and a small container of hummus. The daily workout of carrying twenty pounds of books from the expo to the Metro and up a steep hill to my friend’s apartment also helped with my cardio and weight training, which is why I was able to drop any weight I gained in NYC in no time at all.

Now I am only an out-of-work librarian, so please check with your doctor before you starve yourself for free books, but I say look at the positives, people. I may not have a job but I am looking better than ever – thanks ALA!

Meredith Attends Her First ALA Conference

So as a recent graduate, the only thing on my mind is getting a job, therefore, I decided to attend the American Library Association’s National Conference in Washington DC, hoping to make the contacts to land me that job.

On arrival at the Washington Convention Center at around 3pm today, I was amazed just how many librarians were already wandering around with nametags fastened to button-down shirts. I was wearing my ‘I love my public library’ t-shirt with black leggings, Panama Jack hat cocked to the side, and in no time one of my fellow librarians said how much she loved my outfit. Thank God, since I was actually concerned with being a bit too over-the-top in the skintight lycra, but the weather in DC was brutal and I wanted to be comfortable when walking blocks to and from the Metro. I had brought more professional attire for the rest of the weekend but wanted to scout the territory first and get my bearings incognito, which now as I think about it, I probably wasn’t.

I attended ‘Conference 101’ hosted by NMRT (New Members Round Table) and I have to admit that I was slightly bored with all the jargon about why we should be a member of this or that. Listen, I get that the speakers want to prepare the new librarians for what to expect at the conference when it comes to all the workshops and meetings but I need a job, okay? And until that time comes, this librarian needs you to speak about the things that really matter - where’s the free food? And how can one carry so much swag in a cheaply-made book bag with straps that couldn’t hold one of Meyer’s Twilight books, let alone the twenty no-name authors I will insist on picking up because they are free?

And that is exactly what happened. At 5:15pm on the dot, 5,000 librarians (most with jobs who don’t need free stuff to make their trip to the conference mean something) were all waiting for the exhibit hall to open to consume any and all that was free. Never have I seen such chaos. Well, maybe at that Jimmy Choo sample sale in NYC but this was pretty close to that. Librarians were like linebackers pulling luggage on wheels, all racing towards Random House or Scholastic displays where books were stacked in towers, free for the taking if you could get close enough to get a hand on one.

At first I was reserved. I held back. I was afraid. Very afraid. I knew how heavy my luggage was in trying to get it to DC, so did I really want to add more weight with a few books that I would probably never read? YES!

At first I just took some teen titles since that will probably be my area of librarianship. Tom Sawyer and Zombies – heck yeah! Che Guevara manga? Bring it on! I was getting excited. These titles were pretty cool. Next thing I knew I was picking up a book about finding love in your 50’s. And as a fan of The Wonder Years, I just had to have Winnie Cooper’s new math book (Danica McKellar’s Hot Algebra Exposed!) STOP. What are you doing? You still have to take this load of freebies on the Metro and walk up a hill. Slow down. You have been at the conference a whole three hours. Relax. There are four days to go. You have Toni Morrison. Amy Sedaris. John Grisham.

I guess this is the reason I am a librarian. I do love books. Free books. And you could too, if you want to help me carry these home. Or just go to your local public library. Although, maybe next year I’ll bring one of those wheelie things…

Meredith Smells Teen Spirit at the Palm Harbor Library

When I think back to my days of being a teen, I think of Nirvana. It was 1991 and they had just come on the scene with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and everybody who was anybody had this CD. I would walk around high school with my black leather motorcycle jacket from Contempo Casuals trying to put up the front that I was a real badass, when in reality I was on the honor roll and played the French horn in the school marching band.

When you are a teen, there are many things that you want to be with no idea how to be them, so the library can act as a sanctuary and experimental space for many teens looking to discover who they are in an environment without judgment from parents, teachers or other adult figures. However, while most libraries have designated children’s and adult sections, often teenagers are left without a space to call their own.

At the Palm Harbor Library, Library Director Gene Coppola helped renovate an older section of the library to build a glass-enclosed retro-style area called The Teen Place, where teens can enjoy everything from computers to manga to playing games on the Wii, all while relaxing on a custom-made booth. As if that wasn’t enough, they can also graffiti the walls or play Guitar Hero, but the coolest part? No adults allowed!

So "Come As You Are" and join me as Gene takes us on a private tour of The Teen Space - no ID required!



For more information about The Teen Place at Palm Harbor Library, please visit http://www.tblc.org/phl/library/teens.html

The Book Slot is to the Left

It has been a whole week since our big Memorial Day Blow Out at the library and I am still exhausted at the thought of it. No, there wasn’t a gigantic book sale consumed with endless donated copies of “Twilight” (who hasn't read this thing?) But get this - we had an actual shooting...with guns…at the library! Thank Dewey it was Memorial Day and the library was closed so no patrons or book carts were harmed. But for Carnegie’s sake, who in the Harry Potter thinks it’s cool to celebrate a holiday remembering war heroes by then shooting out the glass doors of the local public library?

Dear Idiot that shot my library,

Oh I get it, my display table of Memorial Day materials was taunting you through the locked doors and you just had to get that copy of “Widow of the South” before your friend’s barbeque. Or maybe you just had to return that “Blades of Glory” DVD before you were charged a late fee of 35 cents. Listen tough guy, the book slot is located on the left, and while times might be tough right now, there’s no Civil War happening out here in this quiet retirement community, so you going all gangster on a branch library with like four slow computers and a broken air conditioner in the conference room, isn’t going to make anybody think you are some version of John Dillinger.

Instead, you are going to look like a big moron because you just went all barbaric on your own house. That’s right – the library is your home too. Unlike those trendy clubs that can enforce the whole velvet rope and dress code to keep your childish activities to the local mall, the library is available to everybody so says the American Library Association’s Library Bill of Rights that states “A person’s right to use a library should not be denied or abridged because of origin, age, background, or views.” Personally, I think they should have also added “…and yes, even those idiots who mistake the library for a scene from the video game Gears of War.” So, did you get that genius? It is actually your right to use the library and the vast amount of materials inside of it…for free…anytime you want, but listen, even librarians need a day off - so deal with it. Go get a snow cone. Or make a video for YouTube that nobody is going to watch. I don’t care. Just leave my library alone.

So again, way to go, jackass! Now money that could have been spent on library materials that would inspire and educate you to actually do something with your life (or to purchase Gears of War 3, which I heard is also pretty cool), now has to go to replacing those doors, which were already open to you in more ways than you realize.

Sincerely,
MM

P.S. Please don’t shoot the messenger, the sheriff, or anybody for that matter. Just pick up a book.

The Library Bill of Rights:
http://staging.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/oif/statementspols/statementsif/librarybillrights.cfm

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Welcome to StandUpLibrarian.com!

StandUpLibrarian.com is a blog created and operated by me, an out-of-work comedian-librarian looking for my first library job, so there’s bound to be tons of mistakes and lessons learned in this hopefully, hilarious yet heartfelt journey that is known as my complicated and colorful life. Why do it? Well, for some reason, several people seem to think my past stories of heartbreak and failure is funny, so I thought this time I would invite you along for the ride – so get out the popcorn and enjoy!

For a bit of an introduction, the following is a little story to help you get caught up on me, and what I have been doing the past ten years…

Once upon a time, Memorial Day weekend 2000, I moved to NYC without a job or any friends, so I went to the library. When I was told by a drunk guy in a bar that PR would be a good career for me, I went to the library. When I got the job but didn't really know how to do PR, I went to the library. When I needed a new job with “greater challenges” AKA I wasn’t getting along with my co-workers, I went to the library. When I got new PR job and was told by drunk co-worker that I was funny and should do stand-up comedy after seeing my impression of our boss, I went to the library. When I was “let go” from PR job and wanted to do one-woman show yet had no idea how to write one, I went to the library. When I got signed by literary agency to write book based on one-woman show, I went to the library. When book didn't sell and I felt like a complete loser after giving up entire life and career in NYC to be a writer, I went to the library. And it was then that the librarian finally said, "You come here a lot and you read tons and tons of books on everything from PR to comedy to writing to overcoming depression, have you ever thought about being a librarian?" I hadn’t but this time I knew the librarian was someone I should actually listen to, especially since she was sober. I graduated in May.

THE BEGINNING.

Yes, I just wrote this stupid story off the cuff - why? Because it is true. I am a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to but if you read and utilize your library, you can do it well. I also think it is important not to take career advice from drunk people. My goal in life was always to entertain, which is why even after starting grad school in 2006 to become a librarian, I still moved to Los Angeles to pursue my dream of comedy and acting. While writing thirty-page term papers on the history of libraries in the APA-style, I was also roller skating behind Brad Garrett on “Til’ Death,” serving former PR clients shrimp at the Oscars, and telling jokes to a roomful of LA people not really listening to them. I’ve obviously worked a lot of jobs to make ends meet while pursuing this Masters degree to officially become a librarian so I can then work in a library, and what do you know? The economy is in the crapper and people want to cut library jobs.

Over these past ten years, I have found that the one place I can truly count on to be there for me is the library. It is a place that offers us anything we could possible want or dream of and actually delivers. So it is here on this blog that I will finally admit my truth - making people laugh is simply not enough for me anymore. Maybe it is because I have lost far too many jobs over it, or maybe it is because I don’t think I was ever really that funny. I mean, they say comedy is subjective (especially to those people you are making fun of) but maybe the truth is that as a librarian I can be put to better use. Who really needs another bitter comic? As a librarian, I may not necessarily have all the answers but I do have the means to get the information, and unlike PR, it is free to anyone who wants it.

A few things I should mention...

“Shhhh” won’t be used on this blog - I didn’t become a librarian to shush you people. I get told to shut up by plenty of folks and I don’t listen to them either.

“So if you are a comedian, tell me a joke” – No. The humor books are in the stacks (817 for American satire & humor, 827 for British humor) if you want guaranteed laughs by people who have “made it” AKA had the right agent to get published. Otherwise, go pay a cover charge and a two-drink minimum at your nearest comedy club where you can also enjoy crappy nachos for ten dollars.

Finally, this blog isn’t just for me, it is also for you - this whole librarian stereotype with the old lady wearing the bun and glasses has got to go. I want you to stand up and take action in your own lives to help me share with the world that libraries are a very cool place to be and shouldn’t be cut in city budgets (besides some of us librarians are pretty fabulous, the rest I hope to help at some point, I mean, why is a chain needed on glasses? Put them on the desk. Pick them back up. Repeat.) In return, I promise to entertain you with my mishaps and adventures along the way to wherever I am going. Right now I have no idea. Just think of me as your own personal comedic reference librarian here to serve you with a variety of information and hopefully, plenty of laughs too.

Now go get that library card!
MM

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